But, Mindy Kaling's new book, Everyone is Hanging Out without Me and Other Concerns came out last week and though I swore I'd wait until classes were over to read it, I devoured it in under 24 hours.
And I highly recommend it, unless you hate laughing. Then, go read some Nietzsche and listen to early Dashboard and cry.
Seriously, though, it's light and fun. One thing you can tell for sure is that Mindy really reveres relationships. She speaks warmly of family, talks about living with best friends, dishes on men. I felt like I was just staying up late at a slumber party talking to my favorites. Perfection.
But, I will save Bossypants for Christmas. I think.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
I Will...
Do my best to admit when I'm wrong.
Always say please and thank you.
Not give up. But, I may occasionally take a break that involves a bottle of wine.
Only drink champagne to celebrate, and remember that I have a lot to celebrate.
Never turn down an opportunity to dance, karaoke, or make a fool of myself in an equally delightful way.
Laugh a lot. I will find things to laugh at when I feel like crying, but I will make sure to cry also.
Cherish my family as friends.
Cherish my friends as family.
Take the time to learn the lesson.
Pay attention.
Maybe blog more often.
Always say please and thank you.
Not give up. But, I may occasionally take a break that involves a bottle of wine.
Only drink champagne to celebrate, and remember that I have a lot to celebrate.
Never turn down an opportunity to dance, karaoke, or make a fool of myself in an equally delightful way.
Laugh a lot. I will find things to laugh at when I feel like crying, but I will make sure to cry also.
Cherish my family as friends.
Cherish my friends as family.
Take the time to learn the lesson.
Pay attention.
Maybe blog more often.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Number One Reason I Could Never Be a Fashion Blogger
All I ever really want to wear is pajamas.
I mean, I obviously wear more than pajamas. I have a job that requires such. And even though every Friday I can wear jeans and t-shirt, I just want to be in pajamas.
There is an exception to this rule, of course. And it's probably because I am an extremist. That is, if I'm not in pajamas, I'd better be dressed for a cocktail party.
So, here is the reason I wouldn't be/couldn't be a fashion blogger. My blog would go like this:
I mean, I obviously wear more than pajamas. I have a job that requires such. And even though every Friday I can wear jeans and t-shirt, I just want to be in pajamas.
There is an exception to this rule, of course. And it's probably because I am an extremist. That is, if I'm not in pajamas, I'd better be dressed for a cocktail party.
So, here is the reason I wouldn't be/couldn't be a fashion blogger. My blog would go like this:
Hey, all my lovely bloggies. This is my latest outfit, worn while crocheting with my sister, cousins, and grandma. Aren't we just so fashion-licious. My top was gifted to me by my mom. It's an Old Navy exclusive. For my pants, I'm wearing leggings. I don't remember where I got them, so let's say they're thrifted.*
Then, of course, there is this number that I trotted out to my latest event of my fabulous life. I got it at this great boutique called Dillard's. I know, what a steal! (And I felt so va-va in red!) These lovely ladies are my former roommates, and they all look great - even with crazy faces.**
See what a ridiculous blog that would be? Especially when you came back everyday to find, oh, she's still wearing those leggings and that Old Navy fleece. (Well, you know, until it gets warmer). So, my friends, this is why I would never be a fashion blogger.
*Can we just note how absolutely adorable and fashionable my little sister does look, in her thick glasses and plaid shirt?
**I don't know how to explain the fact that the only close to full body shot I have of myself in that red dress is when I'm making such a crazy face.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Dear Kaylie
My darling girl, whom I love more than words, I want to tell you something. I thought of it because after I dropped you and your mom off at your house on Sunday, I was impossibly tired, which can make me a little crazy. And not the fun kind of crazy where I start talking to you in funny accents, making up songs and stories, and generally acting like a buffoon. The kind of crazy that makes me a little sad or something like that.
There will come a time in your life where you will suddenly be struck with how different your life has turned out than you thought it would. It will not matter if you are doing the thing that has been in your heart since you were a little girl, nor will it matter if you are actually doing something completely different than you thought. You will be struck at least once (and maybe many more times) by how life is never like you planned. Junie, when this happens, take it in with a deep breath. Be a little sad, if you need to be. You can even call your Aunt Whitney up and wallow a little, and should geography and your age allow, you can come over and we'll sip wine and you can say, "Life is more strange than I have words for." And I'll just say, "Oh yes, I know." We will sip some more wine and even though I have a couple of decades on you, we will sit in a moment of transcendent understanding.
Bug, I need you to know that your life may well be very happy in this moment that you have the realization of how different it is. In fact, I should hope it is, as you already have so much love surrounding you I'm surprised that you don't sparkle like a vampire (I want to throw in some current references so that when you look back on this later, when you are the age I am now, you can roll your eyes at how outdated me and all my references are). But, having this good life, and being a tinge sad that life is different than expected doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the goodness and richness that your life is. There is a trap, though, that leads to depression and ungratefulness, which is why I am writing to you. To remind you, and maybe me, that life is seems sometimes opposite at once, but instead of giving up and choosing the morose, or if you are unlike me, instead of ignoring it, there is a way to live holding both in your heart. So, be a little sad, wallow for a moment, but not too long, and keep on living. That's the thing you have to hold onto. Keep on living, having adventures, falling in love with people and God and things all around you. I am learning this now too, as I watch you learn so many things for the first time. Walking, talking, laughing, you are growing and living right before my eyes, sweet one. And you are doing it so well, so courageously. So, I am learning from you, and then writing this letter that one day, if you forget, you can learn from me.
I love you so much, a million times more than Chipotle, which is quite a lot, really.
Always,
Aunt Whitney
There will come a time in your life where you will suddenly be struck with how different your life has turned out than you thought it would. It will not matter if you are doing the thing that has been in your heart since you were a little girl, nor will it matter if you are actually doing something completely different than you thought. You will be struck at least once (and maybe many more times) by how life is never like you planned. Junie, when this happens, take it in with a deep breath. Be a little sad, if you need to be. You can even call your Aunt Whitney up and wallow a little, and should geography and your age allow, you can come over and we'll sip wine and you can say, "Life is more strange than I have words for." And I'll just say, "Oh yes, I know." We will sip some more wine and even though I have a couple of decades on you, we will sit in a moment of transcendent understanding.
Bug, I need you to know that your life may well be very happy in this moment that you have the realization of how different it is. In fact, I should hope it is, as you already have so much love surrounding you I'm surprised that you don't sparkle like a vampire (I want to throw in some current references so that when you look back on this later, when you are the age I am now, you can roll your eyes at how outdated me and all my references are). But, having this good life, and being a tinge sad that life is different than expected doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the goodness and richness that your life is. There is a trap, though, that leads to depression and ungratefulness, which is why I am writing to you. To remind you, and maybe me, that life is seems sometimes opposite at once, but instead of giving up and choosing the morose, or if you are unlike me, instead of ignoring it, there is a way to live holding both in your heart. So, be a little sad, wallow for a moment, but not too long, and keep on living. That's the thing you have to hold onto. Keep on living, having adventures, falling in love with people and God and things all around you. I am learning this now too, as I watch you learn so many things for the first time. Walking, talking, laughing, you are growing and living right before my eyes, sweet one. And you are doing it so well, so courageously. So, I am learning from you, and then writing this letter that one day, if you forget, you can learn from me.
I love you so much, a million times more than Chipotle, which is quite a lot, really.
Always,
Aunt Whitney
Friday, October 14, 2011
In Case You Thought I was Impossibly Cool...
This is a real conversation* I had last night. With my cat.
Whitney: Dobby, you stayed outside all day. What were you doing? Have you made friends? Do you have a girlfriend? Oh gosh, you're not even one. Are you in a gang? You know, you really shouldn't join gangs, they don't take to kindly if you change your mind and don't want to be in the gang anymore.
Then, I turned around and realized my cat wasn't following me anymore.
It's been a long week, so my weirdness seeps out everywhere.
*I don't really know if you can call it a conversation if you're talking with something that is non-verbal.
Whitney: Dobby, you stayed outside all day. What were you doing? Have you made friends? Do you have a girlfriend? Oh gosh, you're not even one. Are you in a gang? You know, you really shouldn't join gangs, they don't take to kindly if you change your mind and don't want to be in the gang anymore.
Then, I turned around and realized my cat wasn't following me anymore.
It's been a long week, so my weirdness seeps out everywhere.
*I don't really know if you can call it a conversation if you're talking with something that is non-verbal.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Autumnal Ruminations (Or something like that)
Autumn is my favorite season. I think it's because I'm a finicky cat, liking the weather just so, cooler than cool, but not cold. I like to have days that tend toward rain and are cloudy. I like the colors changing, being able to wear sweatshirts, eat soup, and drink hot chocolate. Fall and I - we just get each other.
But, I will admit, that it is also a strange season to me. Certain types of things always seem to happen to me in the Fall, good things, admittedly, and well, usually, but it is filled with memories of times spent with friends. New crushes. New friends. Long walks and deep conversations. I always get nostalgic as the season turns, the leaves fall. I turn of my A/C and my mind is cleared. I write more. I meet each day with a different energy.
But, nostalgia is a funny thing. It holds, for me, these moments of beginning and ending in one breath. A strange and beautiful thing, to be sure, but sometimes I hardly know how to process such complex emotions and just plain-real-lifeness. I'm a type 9 on the Enneagram, through and through, which means that often I live with just a bit (or a little more than that) of space between my insides and the outside. So, I think in the Fall, that space must become a little thinner, causing me to cry more often. As a response to beautiful things, sad things, nostalgic things, and no-real-reason-to-cry things. This is a great relief to me. And is but another reason I love the Fall.
I never know, in the Fall, if it will be a season of new beginnings or endings. This time is no different.
But, I will admit, that it is also a strange season to me. Certain types of things always seem to happen to me in the Fall, good things, admittedly, and well, usually, but it is filled with memories of times spent with friends. New crushes. New friends. Long walks and deep conversations. I always get nostalgic as the season turns, the leaves fall. I turn of my A/C and my mind is cleared. I write more. I meet each day with a different energy.
But, nostalgia is a funny thing. It holds, for me, these moments of beginning and ending in one breath. A strange and beautiful thing, to be sure, but sometimes I hardly know how to process such complex emotions and just plain-real-lifeness. I'm a type 9 on the Enneagram, through and through, which means that often I live with just a bit (or a little more than that) of space between my insides and the outside. So, I think in the Fall, that space must become a little thinner, causing me to cry more often. As a response to beautiful things, sad things, nostalgic things, and no-real-reason-to-cry things. This is a great relief to me. And is but another reason I love the Fall.
I never know, in the Fall, if it will be a season of new beginnings or endings. This time is no different.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I love this.
From Mindy Kaling's book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
BFF Rights and Privileges:
I CAN BORROW ALL YOUR CLOTHES
Anything in your closet, no matter how fancy, is co-owned by me, your best friend. I can borrow it for as long as I want. If I get something on it or lose it, I should make all good faith attempts to get it cleaned or buy you a new one, but I don’t need to do that, and you still have to love me. If I ruin something of yours and don’t replace it, you’re allowed to talk shit about me to our other friends for a calendar year. That’s it. Then you have to get over it. One stipulation to borrowing your clothes is that you have to have worn the item at least once before I borrow it. I’m not a monster.
WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED
If we’re on a trip or if our boyfriends are away, and there’s a bed bigger than a twin, we’re partnering up. It is super weird for us to not share a bed. How else will we talk until we fall asleep?
I MUST BE 100% HONEST ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, BUT GENTLE
Your boyfriend is never going to tell you that your skirt is too tight and riding up too high on you. In fact, you shouldn’t have even asked him, poor guy. He wants to have sex with you no matter how pudgy you are. I am the only person besides your mom who has the right (and responsibility) of telling you that. I should never be overly harsh when something doesn’t look good on you, because I know you are fragile about this and so am I. I will employ the gentle, vague expression, “I’m not crazy about that on you,” which should mean to you: “Holy shit, take that off, that looks terrible.” I owe it to you to give feedback like a cattle prod: painful but quick.
I CAN DITCH YOU, WITHIN REASON
I can ditch you to hang out with a guy, but only if that possibility has been discussed and getting-ride-home practicalities have been worked out prior to the event. In return, I need to talk about you a lot with that guy so he knows how much I love you.
I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID IF YOU DIE
I can’t even write about this, it’s too sad. But yes, I will do that. And you will have one awesome little kid who hears endless stories about how amazing and beautiful and perfect you were. Incidentally, your kid will grow up loving Indian food.
I WILL NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH
If you are crippled with pain because of a UTI, I need to haul ass to CVS to get you some medicine, fast. I should also try to pick up a fashion magazine and candy that you like, because distracting you from your pain is part of nursing you back to health as well.
WE WILL TRADE OFF BEING SOCIAL ACTIVITIES CHAIR FOR OUR OUTINGS
On trips together, I promise to man up and be the person who drives the rental car sometimes, or uses my credit card and have people pay me back later. Someone needs to check on Yelp to see what the good brunch place is. Neither of us gets to be the princess all the time, I get that.
I WILL KEEP YOUR FAVORITE FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCT AT MY HOUSE
Even though no one uses maxi-pads anymore, like you do, weirdo, I will keep a box at my house for when you come over.
SAME WITH YOUR CONTACT LENS SOLUTION
I can’t believe you won’t get Lasik already. I know you read someone went blind from it, but that was like twenty years ago. Not getting Lasik at this point is like being that girl in 2006 who didn’t have a cell phone.
I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment.
WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER AT YOUR PLACE, I WON’T DROP THE TOWEL ON THE FLOOR
Your home isn’t a hotel. I forget sometimes because you make it so comfortable for me.
IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU
As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible breakup, and you can tell me a hundred times the same sad stories about how you thought he was going to be the one. I will be there for you to tell your long revenge fantasies to, and also to Facebook stalk whoever you want. I know I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.
I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU
But don’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.
IT IS OKAY TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I know when you fall in love with someone you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but it is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can, if you know I have something going on in my life, like a work promotion or something.
NO TWO PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN US
We fucking rock. No one can beat us.
BFF Rights and Privileges:
I CAN BORROW ALL YOUR CLOTHES
Anything in your closet, no matter how fancy, is co-owned by me, your best friend. I can borrow it for as long as I want. If I get something on it or lose it, I should make all good faith attempts to get it cleaned or buy you a new one, but I don’t need to do that, and you still have to love me. If I ruin something of yours and don’t replace it, you’re allowed to talk shit about me to our other friends for a calendar year. That’s it. Then you have to get over it. One stipulation to borrowing your clothes is that you have to have worn the item at least once before I borrow it. I’m not a monster.
WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED
If we’re on a trip or if our boyfriends are away, and there’s a bed bigger than a twin, we’re partnering up. It is super weird for us to not share a bed. How else will we talk until we fall asleep?
I MUST BE 100% HONEST ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, BUT GENTLE
Your boyfriend is never going to tell you that your skirt is too tight and riding up too high on you. In fact, you shouldn’t have even asked him, poor guy. He wants to have sex with you no matter how pudgy you are. I am the only person besides your mom who has the right (and responsibility) of telling you that. I should never be overly harsh when something doesn’t look good on you, because I know you are fragile about this and so am I. I will employ the gentle, vague expression, “I’m not crazy about that on you,” which should mean to you: “Holy shit, take that off, that looks terrible.” I owe it to you to give feedback like a cattle prod: painful but quick.
I CAN DITCH YOU, WITHIN REASON
I can ditch you to hang out with a guy, but only if that possibility has been discussed and getting-ride-home practicalities have been worked out prior to the event. In return, I need to talk about you a lot with that guy so he knows how much I love you.
I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID IF YOU DIE
I can’t even write about this, it’s too sad. But yes, I will do that. And you will have one awesome little kid who hears endless stories about how amazing and beautiful and perfect you were. Incidentally, your kid will grow up loving Indian food.
I WILL NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH
If you are crippled with pain because of a UTI, I need to haul ass to CVS to get you some medicine, fast. I should also try to pick up a fashion magazine and candy that you like, because distracting you from your pain is part of nursing you back to health as well.
WE WILL TRADE OFF BEING SOCIAL ACTIVITIES CHAIR FOR OUR OUTINGS
On trips together, I promise to man up and be the person who drives the rental car sometimes, or uses my credit card and have people pay me back later. Someone needs to check on Yelp to see what the good brunch place is. Neither of us gets to be the princess all the time, I get that.
I WILL KEEP YOUR FAVORITE FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCT AT MY HOUSE
Even though no one uses maxi-pads anymore, like you do, weirdo, I will keep a box at my house for when you come over.
SAME WITH YOUR CONTACT LENS SOLUTION
I can’t believe you won’t get Lasik already. I know you read someone went blind from it, but that was like twenty years ago. Not getting Lasik at this point is like being that girl in 2006 who didn’t have a cell phone.
I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment.
WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER AT YOUR PLACE, I WON’T DROP THE TOWEL ON THE FLOOR
Your home isn’t a hotel. I forget sometimes because you make it so comfortable for me.
IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU
As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible breakup, and you can tell me a hundred times the same sad stories about how you thought he was going to be the one. I will be there for you to tell your long revenge fantasies to, and also to Facebook stalk whoever you want. I know I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.
I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU
But don’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.
IT IS OKAY TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I know when you fall in love with someone you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but it is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can, if you know I have something going on in my life, like a work promotion or something.
NO TWO PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN US
We fucking rock. No one can beat us.
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